Half Empty, Since 1998

Damn child proof caps, how can I self prescribe when I can’t open the bottle? If I’m expected to be a fully functioning adult then I want some better behaviour out of our world leaders. Pepper spray, illegal imprisonment, armed thugs, no desert or tv for a week I say. Just don’t tell them I said it.

Of Politics and Panic Attacks

Marnie Parrell. November 25th, 1998

Canada’s democratic (well a disagree-with-me-and-I’ll-pepper-spray-you-type-of democratic) system has at it’s greasy helm a prime minister. Now don’t laugh, but at this moment Jean Chretien is that well lubed individual. Call me old fashioned ‘cuz I still believe a girl should respect or (as our mother’s did) learn to fake respect for the man who’s screwing her. Try as I might, I cannot make this work with Jean. Lying there with my eyes clenched tight mentally sorting laundry or pretending I’m somewhere else were good suggestions from mom but somehow, I just can’t make it happen. Perhaps I should give up hope. Until then, it’s a good thing I’m busy and don’t have time for panic attacks ‘cuz Jean baby is trying really hard to freak me out.

Did you catch his I-only-put-pepper-on-my-steak joke when asked about his role in spraying Asia Pacific Economic Co-operation protesters in Vancouver. Remember Suharto? Guest of Canada, now deposed head of Indonesia, quiet little guy whose turn ons include genocide and armed thugs? Seems Jean gave those thugs the go ahead to wear loaded pistols whilst walking about in Nike gear taking in the sights and hey if they had to shoot a Canadian citizen while out on a stroll well, so be it. What’s a dead body between fascists, I mean friends. Which is why the initial story was “we had to spray those protesters to protect their personal security.” Hmmmm, interesting how one is in full possession of one’s civil rights until the very second one is in dire need of them. Sure I’ve confessed to being old fashioned but if you can’t depend on your rights to protect you at those times, then it’s like having fire insurance that covers you and your possessions unless they happen to be destroyed by fire.

“Now boarding for APEC. Next stop Malaysia.” Once again, don’t laugh, but it seems that Indonesia despite its own relentless slaughter of East Timorese finds the controversy over human rights abuses in the host country compelling enough to consider withdrawing its support for this years meet’n’cheat. What a hoot. Jean has no such qualms and has promised to attend (although recently he’s been feigning shocked concern). I’m sure he’s looking forward to intimate chats with Malaysian prime minister Mahathir Mohamad whose personal motto is: why have government troops if you can’t beat and arrest dissidents in the street?

Ever heard of Anwar Ibrahim? Evidently his family doesn’t hear much from him these days either. He’s the 51 year-old former deputy prime minister who was arrested in his home September 29th on nine charges of corruption and sexual misconduct (aka “homosexual sodomy”). As a funny coincidence these charges come after Ibrahim opposed the 72 year old prime minister’s plan to control the country’s recession, caused by the Asian economic crisis, by imposing currency controls. From what I hear Ibrahim is simply too busy with prison social activities to write home. By the by Mohamad swears all of Ibrahim’s facial wounds were self inflicted. You know those high strung deputy prime minister types, they’ll bash their face against a trooper’s club, boot, stun gun or the cement floor of their fetid cell for hours on end if you don’t intervene and kick their genitals black and blue. I admit I momentarily had a relapse and thought unkindly of Ibrahim and his plight when I learned that Paul Martin, Canada’s evil minister of finance, considers Ibrahim to be a close personal friend. However, you can pick your nose you can pick your friends but you can’t help if evil people want to pick your friend’s nose.

Ibrahim’s make believe trial started on November 2nd and since all the fairies will be so busy when the APEC guests arrive the trial will need to be suspended from November 14th to the 18th. Those of you who think this is suspicious or believe troops have been instructed to quell all protests in a swift and brutal manner are requested to identify yourelves. No reason. All this for a conference that is little more than a photo opportunity for a group of wealthy business elites who had the privilege and connections to get into office. Like I said, I’m gad I don’t have time for panic attacks these days.